Personal Change and Truama with Kubler Ross Stages of Grief

Kubler Ross Stages of Grief was originally created by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross as a model for helping dying patients cope with their death. However this model can be a guide for dealing with "everyday" personal change and trauma. It's also used by counselors for understanding/helping those that need emotional assistance.

So, here are the Five Stages:

• Denial - The person refuses to accept the situation. It's normal temporary a psychological defense. ("I"m doing okay" "This is NOT happening, not now".)
• Anger - At this stage you at least accept the facts, but very emotionally charged. ("Why is this happening!?" "This is not fair!")
• Bargaining - The person makes promises to reverse time or suggests a low-level compromise. ("Can I work part-time", "I promise to be a better person" )
• Depression - The person just doesn't care anymore. ("I give up")
• Acceptance - The person ready to move on and has dealt with the trauma. ("I'm ready to move on")

As mentioned above, this can be applied to any sort of "trauma" such as a job loss, break up, divorce, disability, bankruptcy, etc. So, let's walk through the five stages for a person who just got dumped (not married). Here's how Kubler Ross Stages of Grief could play out:

(just about everyone experienced a heartbreak of some kind)

• Denial - You first hear about the breakup and say "It's only temporary" or "He/she still loves me"
• Anger - "Are you seeing someone else!?" "Why are you dumping me!?"
• Bargaining - "Can we be friends?" "I promise I'll change if..."
• Depression - "He/She doesn't like me, what's the point?" "I feel miserable"
• Acceptance - At this point, it doesn't mean the pain hasn't gone away. You are ready to think about the possibility of meeting other people. "I'm ready for whatever happens today"

This was not designed to be a rigid step-by-step process, but rather a model or a guide on how people behave during trauma. Not everybody or situation of trauma will go through all "five steps", but most will experience at least two of them. This is to be used as a guide to understand human behavior in these conditions.

Return to Change Strategies

Return to Home from Kubler Ross Stages of Grief